then why do you draw?
“then why do you draw, fujino?”
i had just seen the film look back. i was first surprised at its 58 minute runtime, so i randomly decided to watch it today, days after i said i was going to watch and get wrecked emotionally by it. what i got was how that question presented in the film (and in the original manga it’s adapted from)—that i’ve seen several times on twitter during the film’s international release—that ran into my mind since last year, especially as a creative.
i feel like i have a more peaceful relationship with art compared to a lot of others, yet sometimes i would question myself as an artist on whether i was (and still am) “good” enough to start a bunch of things i want to do, or if people will see my work at all in some way. with the advent of twitter users moving onto other platforms following a certain muskrat’s changes to the site ever since his takeover, even with my art twitter account i had wondered if my art could ever reach a bigger audience, whether i’d be local (other filipino artists), international (foreign artists outside of the PH), or other japanese/korean artists within the fandoms i draw artwork from (*cough* idolmaster *cough*). i had considered trying to draw something and post it onto the account every week in order for me—someone who ends up mostly retweeting/reblogging/reposting others’ works than my own—but several things wouldn’t let me do just that without risking me potentially getting worse grades in college. man, i really should try to make more artist connections.
whether as an artist or a fan translator, i often wondered about the “why” i want to draw or study japanese/translate. while i think the quote ties to drawing, but i believe it can be tied to writing, music, and similar creative fields.
not to tie this back to the growing stars shutdown, but a thing i questioned is whether it would be okay to start translating texts as a side hobby despite the situation (and a lack of an audience) and lack of skill. i was reassured by a few online friends that there would be people that will read my works. perhaps the same would go for my art as well. i have several ideas listed down that i want to get through one day but is feeling held back by the workload of college and other fan projects i would somehow gotten myself into.
perhaps a thing, when it comes to “why” i continue drawing is that i want to create a scene in which the characters would be “alive” in. it sounds a bit abstract, but i want my artworks to convey a feeling like that somehow.
as for translating, i’ve chalked it up to wanting to create an “archive” of the things i liked (and maybe dislike) about the things i’ve ever liked. there’s other places i want to leave as an archive (the sideM wiki, saisuta subs, etc.) in some form.
i should try to rewatch the film again sometime later this week (or later in general).